Monday, October 4, 2010

Day 72


Why is my picture for today the shoes I wore? Well, I'm about to tell ya. ;)

Pat gave me these shoes. It might not seem like much when I say that, but let me tell ya these are nice shoes that might've been worn 20 minutes. And the fact that they're coming from the woman who (I hope) will be my mother-in-law makes them even that much more important.

This is the beginning of a long story/rant. Don't say I didn't warn you.

When I was dating Josh, Sheila was my second mom and one of my best friends. I could tell her anything because she was one of the most understanding people I knew then. When Josh and I split up, of course I was saddened to be losing my boyfriend, but I was also losing his mother and sister. It was the relationship with his family that I missed the most.

A few weeks later, I began dating Mr. Wonderful. For quite a while, the thought of being in his mom's presence has scared the living crap out of me. I have always believed in respecting your significant other's parents, and let me tell you something - I respect Jw's parents. They remind me of my own. Hardworking, honest people who raised their kids right. (Yeah momma & daddy, I just admitted you raised me right.)

I always feared that I wouldn't find what I had with Sheila ever again. Especially with Jw's mom. I worried about it all the time and sometimes I even jumped to conclusions that his parents hated me. I've always worried that I would say the wrong thing, impede on their privacy, etc. With Sheila, I could tell her my feelings for Josh, my most private thoughts, and my beliefs on anything. Even after 3 years, I was not near this level with Jw's mom.

And to be honest, I yearned for it. I wanted her to like, no love, me. I wanted to be able to tell her anything. I mean anything.

Maybe I'm irrationally yearning. I mean, I'm supposed to always feel awkward around my so called mother-in-law, right? I just don't feel like it's got to be that way. We're not supposed to be best friends, but I want her to be someone I can turn to for advice or someone that will listen when I need to talk. (Wait, isn't that why I have a blog? I digress...)

Here recently I've been around her more than I ever have. Particularly this past week (though I wish it were on better terms). She and Mike have listened to me and consoled my family and I, which I appreciate so much. I visited them quite a bit this week, and Saturday before I left Gainesboro, I spent a little time at their house. We talked for a while, and she asked me what size shoe I wore. Reluctantly, I told her about 9.5 or sometimes a 9. (Shut up. I never grew into my feet.)

She brought me out a purty purple pair of Nike shoes to try on. To my surprise the 8.5s fit! (Yay!) I felt so bad for taking them, but I knew it was rude not to. Well, today I wore those purty shoes (with my favorite purple tshirt, no doubt) and I kind of thought about something. Maybe I over thought the situation, but I don't think so.

For once in this relationship, I'm not afraid to publicly admit that I want to marry Jw way on down the road. (I know what you're thinking. But I'm pretty stinkin' mature for 19 years old.) Someday I'd like to be like my momma: a hard-worker, a good wife, an even better mother, and a force to be reckoned with. In addition, I think I'll take a few lessons from Pat. In a way, I'll be filling in her shoes. (Metaphorically, of course.) She will always be his momma, and no one can take that away from her. But one day he will marry and some other woman (hopefully me!) will be the one cleaning up his messes and doing his laundry.

I've got a lot of learning to do from these two wonderful women. I have some big shoes to fill.

1 comment:

Jara-Lee said...

Awh. Don't really know what to say but I really do miss seeing you around here!! And don't forget you're still an aunt, even if things didn't work out with you and Josh :D

BTW, I'm really REALLY sorry for your loss!! And if you ever need to talk/vent about anything you can always talk to me! I'm a great listener!